Stress

Stress is an odd phenomena. The mind is a truly fascinating thing in this regard. Your thoughts and general lifestyle can effect physical well-being. I recently experienced this phenomenon the hard way, and the only thing I could think was why did it take so long? Law school is the epitome of stress but I survived until my last final until it manifested upon my physical health. Everybody has a breaking point, so I guess now I know mine. Funny thing is that i did not feel that stressed. Maybe that is the point, though. When nothing is seemingly wrong then the unthinkable seems to happen. So what is the lesson here? Honestly there is not a whole lot we can do about it. Take care of yourself and maintain a positive outlook are the only tings I can think of. Those general propositions make little sense outside of what our parents have been telling us since we were young and are more like a mantra then an actual suggestion. So, back to the stress. It is a killer which many people never see coming. Common sense counsels that we should avoid it whenever possible but all roads lead us to pile it on. All things in life come with their challenges while personal constitution is as much a factor as anything else. Therein lies the real issue because as we realize how stress affects us that awareness can magnify the stress into the more serious: anxiety. Anxiety is a clinical mental disorder which can be disabling. Stress can create anxiety and the worries of one turning into the other creates the same. A vicious circle of problem that seems silly. I worry everyday, and feel like I am on constantly teetering over the precipice of losing control. That does worry me, but the stress will and has to continue for life to go on. The battle of life continues and I have to soldier on.

My thoughts on graduation

A new chapter, a milestone, an accomplishment, an ending, a mile marker in your life and however else you may feel compelled to describe such an occasion. One thing is for sure, the same thoughts now flood my mind that were present upon undergraduate graduation. Apprehension, fear, excitement, reflection, bewilderment, confusion, and a good number of other feelings too difficult to name all at once. The obvious question that everyone is going to be asking is what are you going to do now? There are some people in my class that have that all figured out. I do not like those people. Mostly because I wish that the assurances they now have are ones that I also enjoyed. Nope. Basically, I plan to take the bar and look for a job. Sigh. There is nothing in that sentence that is easy. Those may be too of the most difficult things that I may ever have to do in my law school career. The bar passage rate is low. The rate at which there are openings in the legal field is even lower.

The fact that those thoughts weigh on me during a time that is supposed to be filled with celebration and joy is so disfigured by the thoughts of future job prospects and an examination to validate my legal studies. One step at a time. Graduate. Celebrate. Study. Celebrate. Get a job. Easy enough!

On and on and on like the song goes

Is there a certain negativity associated with monotony? Of course, when someone asks a question like "What's new with you?" and the response is "absoultely nothing" there tends to be a moment of self-reflection. Is that something to worry about? It really depends, but success and positivity are not always the same thing. Sometimes we find success in doing the right thing which is associated often times with the less desiarable result. I would not exactly call that failure but a success for morality. Keep it simple.

Revelation

Sometimes we realize truths that we previously had written off or just been completely oblivious to. Then there comes the day we finally understand that the ignorance of our own actions is no way to live. Why live in denial? We NEED to confront our negative proclivities before then turn into destructive habits. It is an ugly business to try and face yourself in these situations, and sometimes self-deprecating activity is our only salvation. Do it too much and you may face depression, or self-esteem issues. [Wow, whatever topic I start out writing about turns complicated the moment I try to cover the entire thing.] Once you start talking about depression there are mental health issues that inevitably come into play. A downward spiral is dangerous and not until my current employ have I been so involved with mental health issues. I attempt to understand each day by looking at medical records how people with mental health problems live each day. Difficulty. Can you imagine having to work each day just to keep yourself from breaking down, try harder than anything just to complete a normal day without interference from mental instability. Think about all the different activities that would be affected. just waking up in the morning and getting out of bed with depression is a chore many succumb to. Those with panic, anxiety, or agoraphobic issues are likely afflicted with a disease that prevents regular interaction with other people and social functioning. Difficulty. That is a mild way to phrase that situation. Well, whatever the meaning of this post it should be extracted from this enigmatic rant. Good luck my friends.

summer law clerk

So I got lucky this summer and have been working for a small firm in downtown at a PAID summer law clerk position. It is not in a field I orginally anticipated joining or even knew existed really but that is besdes the point. I once heard that "if it don't make dollars then it don't make sense." I undertand the appeal of the unpaid internship position. Believe me, I have been doing them steadily since Junior year of college! Anyways, getting paid to do something is really uncomprable in the grand scheme of things in my eyes. Once someone has wanted your employ so mightily that they are paying you, out of their own pocket and especially someone who is still in school, then that speaks for itself really. So, honestly I have no complaints and could not be happier. I will also be continuing through the school year which is another added plus, and also looks good on the resume as being able to handle both a job and schoolwork. I have said it before and I will say it again, I am going to working extrememly hard but it is well worth the reward of a solid career in the future. Peace.

Do something positive everyday

Thank you Buckshot, what a great line. The concept of course is that everyday we should make ourselves a little better, or make our world a little better. If only we all had the same view of "better" and worked in unison to make that "better" universal. My con law professor calls those "scare quotes" when used to mock the usage of word that defies the original or most well-used definition. That holds true here because idealistic views about where to place our energy are just fantasies of grandeur so to speak. I would like to say something like that is realistic but honestly, freedom of choice and the "pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness" are too important. People are free to put their energy to whatever they want, but sometimes, just sometimes those values true to socialistic states where people work for the common good, usually referred to as hippie communes in modern society, look to be utopian societies. Our society has a lot of problems but boasts unique characteristics that are not possible without the system in place. I'd like to believe that we have taken the best system historically available and tweaked it until it is as close to perfect as possible, but who wants perfect. Today I was reminded that perfection is boring, and while I have gotten so far off track now than I wanted to I think of my blog as more of a stream of consciousness than a literary publication. We should do positive, because freely choose to do it! Is it likely, probably not, especially in a capitalistic society but we can always do some positive to try and get closer to it.

Working towards...

Where we end up....is that where we intended to be? So when I see some guy working the corporate grind, bored out of his mind, 2 kids, 1 dog, white picket fence should I NOT be envious? I feel like that is what I am working towards, I want to work normal hours and have a 9-5 job(for an attorney those hours are amazing). Is that wrong? Society has told us to work towards our dreams but Hollywood has turned that dream into a joke. Maybe the "recession" is making the mediocre American life seem more appealing but I strive toward that "mediocrity". I put it in quotes because I believe that it is becoming more desirable to have constant employment at a company that allows you to start at a normal time and leave at a similarly normal time. Mediocrity. Build your dreams up and land where you always thought you would be looking down upon. Cynical you say? Probably, but can you blame me? Did we grow up thinking unemployment would reach all time highs? That the financial sector would be overrun with unethical business practices, putting greed at an all time high? Still, I am excited to start my legal career, in whatever field I end up in and with all the hope an naivety in the world. Here's to those naive, yet optimistic ideals!